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September 2018

A Happily Married Mother Of Two

I am 38yrs old and a happily married mother of two wonderful robust children and a totally amazing supporting husband.

I have suffered from depression for 13yrs, it started when my eldest child was born in April 2005 with post-natal depression in which I was put on medication, my depression was kept under control with the meds and when we found out we were pregnant with our second child I was in a much better place mentally and came of my meds, sadly at the time my dad was rapidly going downhill after being diagnosed with asbestosis in 2005 and nearing the end of my pregnancy was told by doctors that my dad is at the end stage of his illness and was going to die, our beautiful son was born 2 weeks early on 2/7/07 and my dad passed away 2/8/07 I am thankful my dad met harry.

I went into overdrive after my dad’s death and my mental health over this period of 11 years gradually went downhill, I am now understanding through counselling that I had blocked out many things over these past 11 years. Sadly on my 38th birthday I felt worthless and had cut my legs using a razor blade, I’d written a suicide note and had plans to end my life (even though I had the most AMAZING FRIENDS AND FAMILY NETWORK), I sat in a car park and phoned my husband and said he needed to call my gap who called the local mental health crisis team who saw me straight away and bravely I told them to take me to hospital as I was scared for my life, this was devastating for my husband and family but I want to express to everyone who is suffering from this CRUEL, OVERPOWERING, DELIBERATING, EVIL ILLNESS NOT TO BE SCARED TO ASK FOR HELP AND TO PLEASE CALL SOMEONE ANYONE IF YOU FEEL SUICIDAL.

I was taken tearfully to a mental health unit in **** I was so so scared but once I’d met the nurses and staff who were amazing I began to feel less tearful and settled down I was in there for 2 weeks, children understand more than we give them credit for they don’t have to know the ins and outs of this dreadful illness but to show you my 13yr old daughters sense of humour when she visited me it was a beautiful day and you have to go outside to see children for obvious reasons my daughter looked the place up and down and said omg I know what this place is Mum you’re in an asylum and laughed then said no it’s not you are in prison aren’t you we all laughed and sat on the grass and told them briefly that I needed different tablets and had to come here so the doctors could make sure I’m on the correct ones, but my daughter seemed to just know and was so light hearted and brave, I am having weekly counselling.